Aimless Ramblings...

I went to the beach a few days ago with the family.. We were there just to enjoy the view for a couple of hours.. And as everyone was scattered around enjoying the scene, sand and sea I decided to just take a walk.. Took my shoes off and started walking... I purposely made my mind blank by focusing on the sounds of the crashing waves.. Coz they have this kind of rhythmic calming effect..

Anyway as I was walking and walking making footprints on the sand, one step after the other.. And without control my mind started to wander off and i decided to stop and look back at the footprints that I made... And i saw a beautiful long stretch of footprints on the sand...

I thought to myself, why is it that we sometimes get too caught up with making the step forward that we forget about the footprints that we already made? We are always making plans for the future, thinking two steps ahead sometimes three... But how come we never appreciate the things we have achieved in the past or even what achievements we are being blessed with at this very moment... Its already bad enough that we do not live in the present, often living in the past or the future.. But to forget about the past and only focus on the future, now thats even worst..

I know living in the present time, appreciating the past and striving all at once is tough.. But it doesnt hurt to try.. In fact, trying to live life to the fullest has never hurt anybody so why not take up that chance?

Some time ago i posed up on my facebook status
"arranged marriage - how are you suppose to response to that?"

Some responded run away, some responded why not, Afifah responded "kalau mcm nur kasih and adam why not"

And as i was watching the replays of Nur Kasih on tv, I was thinking.. If it was like that whats the harm? But then it hit me.. I dont think so.. Why? Because I am not in any way like nur kasih... I dont have that kind of patience, I dont have that kind of strength nor do I have that level of tolerance..

Call me traditional but I dont have anything against arranged marriage because I believe that our parents would only want whats the best for us.. But I also firmly believe that as individuals we also have the right to make decisions on our own...

I am someone who has very strong beliefs and principles and I am still sorting these things out.. Sometimes I really really with that my situation is easy like everyone else, but I think sometimes these obstacles and challenges is what will guide you in identifying a cause worth fighting for...

Wait... I might have just contradicted myself...

But like I said, im still sorting things out..

God have mercy on me...

Despite the distance, today is a beautiful day..

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I need to" she said.

"I don't understand," he said.

His mother just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"


"All women cry for no reason," his dad answered carelessly.

The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar). "He surely knows the answer", he thought.

"Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so easily?"

The Shaikh answered:
"When Allah made the woman she had to be special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

He gave an inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

He gave her a toughness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her badly.

He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And lastly, He gave her a tear. This is hers and only hers exclusively to use whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers.

You see my son, the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes...

October is nearing its end and a lot has passed since my last update regarding my allergic reaction first few days of October..

The excitement of heading to KL for my graduation ceremony and meeting up with friends and significant other has passed and I'm forced to accept that fact that it will be a while before i meet them again...

My graduation ceremony was a blast! Mainly because my whole family, siblings and grandparents included was allowed to enter the hall coz we got extra tickets (Special thanks to Shaz and Zaleha) and made the event a memorable point in my life... I was told that my 10 year old sister Zahrah was screaming excitedly when she saw me on stage and everyone including my grandparents were cheering as loud as they can... At that moment in time, my only thoughts were "I hope I made all these people proud"...

And then my beloved friends made my graduation ceremony very enjoyable, from the getting ready to the gift exchange to the extreme vanity throughout the day and the days after that.. We took LOTS of photos.. and when i say LOTS i mean more than 500 photos!!! Hahaha.. Hey it is a once in a lifetime occasion and i wanted to take as many photos as i can.. My 4 years in IIUM would not have been enjoyable or memorable or even bearable if not for these friends that God has blessed me with..

With regards to my significant other, I can say that i can see some light being shed on our relationship with regards to the "parents" issue.. I pray to God that He clears the path for us and even if there might be some obstacles in the way He gives us the strength and guidance to tackle the situation the best way possible.. I hope Allah knows that I am trying my best to love him for the sake of Allah and i want to do things the right way...

So now im back in the land of oil, Brunei and will be continuing my work attachment at the Child Development Centre and prepare for my masters applications that will be open for next year's intake... and my long distance relationship will be on full swing starting from now...

Special congratulations and thanks to:
Shazmin Khaled
Zuraida yahaya
Fathiya Amran
Shazeema Shah

The 4 beautiful ladies who have been there for me in those 4 memorable years...
Our shit, giggles and cuddles will be fresh in my mind always... I love you girls!

I posted on my fb status early morning on the 1st of October "Oh happy October.. Oh happy October" with follow up comments saying that October will be a very eventful month.. And to my surprise the 1st of October started with a bang.. Or should i say an itch!

Little did i know that the itch on my hand that i woke up to in the early morning of October the first would turn into something serious and oh-so-itchy... The itch that started on my right hand was like a wild fire spreading on a dry forest and by 2pm i was itching and scratching and by 5pm (the time that i finally got home from work) i was scratching like a mad woman... My mother said maybe its just rashes and i should soak myself in a salt bath to kill the germs... And i did.. It made me feel better but after that the itching didnt stop... And now the itching was all over my body... It lt looked like red patches of mosquito bites all over the place... Ya Allah its just so horrible...

So around 8pm my sister put medicated powder all over me and by 9pm, tired from the frustration of "dont scratch" when its horribly itchy got to me and i forced myself to sleep.. Sleep that night was not a peaceful event, i kept waking up every few hours scratching myself and even in my dreams i had dreams that i was scrubbing myself with some special scrub to get rid of the itchiness...

Woke up today still feeling itchy and horribly snappy and moody... Combination of the lack of sleep and the constant itchiness... I continued to put medicated powder and continued to fall in and out of sleep the whole day until i was waken up by my mother at around 6pm... The itching didnt stop and it now spread to my face and my legs... I said i cant stand it anymore and i went to the clinic... At the clinic, the Doctor said its an allergic reaction to something.. Asked me if i had any previous allergies.. I said no... Any allergies to medication? I again said no... Did you know what cause this? Again i said no...

And really, for the past 22 years of my life i have never been allergic to any type of food or medication so i am quite perplexed myself for this sudden outburst of itchy allergic reaction... Doctor said its possibly "guli gata" ... This was exactly what my grandmother and my parents thought it was... What is it exactly? An allergic reaction that itches like crazy...

So i got an injection coz the Doctor said since its all over my body theres no point in putting cream on it and boy was the injection a sting... Maybe bcoz i havnt had an injection since 2 years ago when i was admitted into my clinic at campus... So now im back at home, resting, arms stinging, body itching and blogging about it...

By the looks of it, October is going to be one heck of an eventful month.. I pray hard that this goes away by the time i fly off to KL for my graduation ceremony...

Looking back at this conversation i thought to myself, Mashallah my sister is growing up.. A 10 year old can actually think of saving the environment when she does not even know the meaning of pollution and why we need to save it...

If a 10 year old who has limited understanding of pollution and all the evils that's happening to the world can have such aspirations, I feel ashamed that most of us dont think twice about such issues at hand.. Especially given the scenario of "what would you do if you were a millionaire"...

I am yet to find out what she really means by saying "want to save the flora and fauna", what does she understand from it and how she wants to do it... But im very proud of her, very proud that at such an age saving the environment is a concept that she is already thinking about..