Aimless Ramblings...

Warning this post contains explicit words!

2010-06-09T02:40:00.000-07:00

I know there are facebook pages entitled "fuck islam" and there are also pages entitled "invite your friends to reach 500 000 member to close the group "fuck islam".. So I keep seeing people liking this and that in relation to this so i opened the fb "fuck islam" page to see it for myself.. Based from the comments clearly someone created this page just to piss the Muslims off.. Probably see the reaction of the Muslims to this page since we are very touchy feely when it comes to our religion and our Prophet..

But from what I read (the comments) there are some Muslims who are actually dumb enough and retaliate by cursing and insulting back which clearly makes things worst.. When your name is Mohammed and your comment to the group is " go fuck yourself and go masturbate and fuck your mother" it DOES NOT improve the image non-Muslims have about Muslims.. It just tells us that there isnt much difference from the creator of that page and that Mohammed guy..

But THANK GOD there are more Muslims who took the time to clarify that there is a difference between terrorist who happens to be Muslims and Islam as a religion Islam... This is where some of you might disagree with me but sometimes I dont blame non-Muslims for thinking so lowly of Muslims and Islam.

1. They have no idea what the religion truly is and there is a different between calling yourself Muslims and the religion of Islam itself.

2. They cant help themselves if they are ignorant enough to believe everything the media says about the connection between terrorist, Muslims and Islam. If anyone didnt know better and watch Malaysian news they would think that Malaysia is not a safe country because of the kidnappings of children, the throwing of babies, the crime rates and even the political disputes. But we know that what is reported in the news are those which is not of the norm of the general population.

3. Most of the suicide bombers in those war torn countries are Muslims and they do use children, women and teenagers as "martyrs/shahids".

4. I as a Muslim sometimes dont get the actions of my fellow Muslim "brothers" and "sisters" with regards to their questionable actions of killing and bombing randomly killing other fellow Muslim "brothers" and "sisters".

5. Not everyone who say they are Muslims can be said to be truly following the teachings of Islam.

And getting page suggestions of "Admin delete the group fuck islam" which already has 5147 members compared to the 89 members of fuck islam and 111 members of FUCK ISLAM made me question.. How do we change the perceptions of non-Muslims towards us? How do we contribute to making things better for us?

The only answer I have so far is we should start by taking a step back and analyzing us first before charging offensive words at those who we know are ignorant.. We should also start by not labelling everything Jew as Israel

Blast from the past..

2010-06-07T03:47:00.000-07:00

While driving back after getting my medical check up report I heard this song that was playing on the radio.. It was a nice song to listen to but I didnt know the name of the song nor the singer other than the fact that it was a female.. So I Shazam it, its an application where you play the song and it will search the net for the name of the song and the singer awesome invention I tell you.. And when I knew whose song it was I though to myself, I'll download it when I get back..

This was when I suddenly had a blast from the past.. I remember in the "old days" where internet was something very new and downloading didnt exist yet I remember how I use to buy black cassettes (you remember them?!) and the moment I hear the DJ announcing the next song and it was a song I wanted I would press record and that was how I could listen to the song I liked again and again..

And now, wow you can just download the songs you want for free.. And if you cant download the song you want, you can always grab the video from youtube (oh dont get me started about youtube) and convert it into MP3..

The world of technology has it perks, and I'm glad to be a part of it.. But the blast from the past has made me appreciate it a little bit more now..

Passion

2010-06-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday officially marks the day that I "resigned" from my work to pursue life of nothingness before I go on full swing again in July for my masters.. And yes Alhamdulillah I was accepted into a masters course that I had really set my hearts on.. So yay!!

Looking back at these past year having worked in two different places, first half involving myself in the diagnosing part of Psychology and the other half involving in the therapy and intervention of Autistic children.. This past year has made me more aware of my own passion, my strengths and weaknesses (or we like to call it areas of improvements).. I gained so much insight and experience that money probably cant buy.. Yes I could have worked somewhere that paid me more but it doesnt mean that I would have been doing something that I am truly passionate about..

Yes I am a firm believer of you doing something that you enjoy and is passionate about.. In life we often seek for a deeper meaning to life.. I believe that in the job/career that you choose you need to find that deeper meaning to life to what youre doing because if its only because of the money or the status that comes with it, it wont guarantee that you will be happy and satisfied with who you are and what you have become.. For me passion and happiness is of utmost importance..

Some people dont understand why my interest are for autistic children or people with disabilities, they say in that field you cant possibly make a lot of money.. Although in some ways that is true, and we do need money to survive BUT this is where I can potentially abuse my female-ness.. Let me go about doing something great with the lives of these disabled individuals and my husband can go gather all that wealth for us... Hahaha.. Which reminds me, I need to add this particular clause to the significant other so he knows what he's in for..

But I want that not this!

2010-04-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Every time I wanna write a new post I end up not knowing which thoughts in my head to ramble about.. There are just so many of them at one time that usually ends up with me pressing backspace and not write a new post..

Life has been both cruel and kind to me.. Which basically means I am going through life with its ups and downs.. Stresses and laughter..

Recently I had a im-stressed-out minor breakdown.. And after a letting out session which didn't go well with my significant other I begin to think about coping mechanisms.. The triggering factor of this was because my coping mechanism and my expectations is very different than his coping mechanism and expectations.. Its like when you ask him to buy you extra creamy and fruity fruits of the forest yoghurt that you have been going nuts craving for and he comes back with low fat strawberry yoghurt.. Yes its yoghurt and its probably nice.. But its just not what I needed and wanted to satisfy my craving.. I might get irritated that its not what I asked for but he would probably get angry because at least he bought me yoghurt...

So im confused right now.. Do I insist on the extra creamy and fruity fruits of the forest yoghurt or settle with the low fat strawberry yoghurt that he went all the way to the store to get for me?

Agree to Disagree

2010-01-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

I was randomly blog hopping and I came across this clip on Marina Mahathir's blog and I an truly amazed at the way this guy called Baba Ali put things regarding Islam into a very simple perspective..

My fav quote in this link is ""You cant judge the entire group of people by the ations of the ignorant few"

I need not to say more, just take some time to view this and you will know what i mean..

Click here -> Agree to Disagree

P/s: I think I just found a new youtube profile to visit Ummah Films by Baba Ali

Doctor Part

2010-01-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

Me and my sister Zahrah (she's 10 btw) was just getting ready to go out for lunch and we were just rambling on about random stuff and she was making a goofy design on her head with the towel and it looked absurd and she laughed and this is what happened..

Zahrah: " hahaha.. macam orang gila punya fashion"

Nabilah:"yeah it is, you better not think its cool coz I dont want you to be my patient"

Zahrah:"But I want you to be my patient later"

Nabilah: "What do you mean?"

Zahrah: "Kan I want to become a doctor when I grow up, so when you are old I want you to be my patient"

Nabilah: "Okay, but which type of doctor do you want to be?"

Zahrah: "The x-ray doctor lah!"

Nabilah: "Why the x-ray doctor?"

Zahrah with full confidence and conviction said "Because thats the only doctor part that does not have blood! All I have to do is just tell them to baring on the tempat in the room and take the x-ray!"

By this time I couldnt help myself and started laughing my hearts out... Zahrah was puzzled and asked me why I'm laughing and I said she was just so cute and I told her that for her information the person who does the x-ray is not a doctor but is called a Radiologist..

Then Zahrah said: "Nanti if I become a radiologist then I can wear the green coat yang macam that person in your doctor series wear"

(And I had no idea that she was being that observant of the lab coats when I watch Grey's Anatomy...)

So moments after she learn the new word "radiologist" and were all ready to go to lunch, she came to me and said that she still wants to save all the flora and fauna in the world...

So yes my sister is now probably torn between being a radiologist and an environmentalist..

Zahrah just made my day and so there goes another unexpected random moment between me and my sweetheart sister Zahrah..

Just gotta have faith...

2010-01-17T06:18:00.000-08:00

I have been reading this book by Paulo Coelho and to those who reads his books knows that his book is mostly about soul searching, self contemplation, meaning of life and spirituality... Stories of people finding out about 'the tradition, magic, the gift,' and whatnots... To some it might be a christian based book because no doubt the author talks about things that as Muslims we do not really practice..

But I remember that he said he acknowledges that there are many different religion in this world Islam, Judaism, Christian, Hindu but he was born into Christianity and he believes that no matter what religion you are born into or which religion you practice all religions believe in a higher governing order and all religion points to one source, God... The only difference is the practice, the book of law, the rituals and the manifestation of God by the believers... Regardless of the how, the who remains the same.. And because of that I continue to read his books, no matter how "non-Islamic" it might be to other people...

The current book that I am reading is called Brida.. It is about a girl who is searching for a deeper meaning of life and is searching through the tradition of the sun.. And at one point of the book she discovered God through the tradition of the sun as a Dark Night... I quote from the book...

"I learn that the search of God is a Dark Night, that faith is a Dark Night. And that's hardly a surprise really, because for us each day is a dark night. None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, and yet we still go forwards. Because we trust. Because we have faith. Every moment in life is an act of faith."

After reading this it actually made sense to me... Its like a simple answer for what "faith" is... And even though Islam never describe Allah as the dark night or anything like that.. But this statement made me appreciate the simplicity of Allah and faith more... Its like how He guides us through each day.. Some things have been written by fate, some we create as part of our destiny.. He alone knows everything that is going to happen and He only ask us to believe in him, believe in fate (qada and qadar)...

He tells us to believe in the hereafter, believe in rewards and punishments.. We dont exactly see all these described as rewards and punishments in the hereafter so all we have is to believe... To have faith in Him...

So yes in a way God can manifest itself as a dark night... Coz he knows all and he literally guides us through the unknown and we just gotta have some faith to carry on...

Footprints

2009-11-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

I went to the beach a few days ago with the family.. We were there just to enjoy the view for a couple of hours.. And as everyone was scattered around enjoying the scene, sand and sea I decided to just take a walk.. Took my shoes off and started walking... I purposely made my mind blank by focusing on the sounds of the crashing waves.. Coz they have this kind of rhythmic calming effect..

Anyway as I was walking and walking making footprints on the sand, one step after the other.. And without control my mind started to wander off and i decided to stop and look back at the footprints that I made... And i saw a beautiful long stretch of footprints on the sand...

I thought to myself, why is it that we sometimes get too caught up with making the step forward that we forget about the footprints that we already made? We are always making plans for the future, thinking two steps ahead sometimes three... But how come we never appreciate the things we have achieved in the past or even what achievements we are being blessed with at this very moment... Its already bad enough that we do not live in the present, often living in the past or the future.. But to forget about the past and only focus on the future, now thats even worst..

I know living in the present time, appreciating the past and striving all at once is tough.. But it doesnt hurt to try.. In fact, trying to live life to the fullest has never hurt anybody so why not take up that chance?

2009-11-12T04:05:00.000-08:00

Some time ago i posed up on my facebook status
"arranged marriage - how are you suppose to response to that?"

Some responded run away, some responded why not, Afifah responded "kalau mcm nur kasih and adam why not"

And as i was watching the replays of Nur Kasih on tv, I was thinking.. If it was like that whats the harm? But then it hit me.. I dont think so.. Why? Because I am not in any way like nur kasih... I dont have that kind of patience, I dont have that kind of strength nor do I have that level of tolerance..

Call me traditional but I dont have anything against arranged marriage because I believe that our parents would only want whats the best for us.. But I also firmly believe that as individuals we also have the right to make decisions on our own...

I am someone who has very strong beliefs and principles and I am still sorting these things out.. Sometimes I really really with that my situation is easy like everyone else, but I think sometimes these obstacles and challenges is what will guide you in identifying a cause worth fighting for...

Wait... I might have just contradicted myself...

But like I said, im still sorting things out..

God have mercy on me...

Angular Momentum

2009-11-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

Despite the distance, today is a beautiful day..

Woman's tears...

2009-11-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I need to" she said.

"I don't understand," he said.

His mother just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," his dad answered carelessly.

The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar). "He surely knows the answer", he thought.

"Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so easily?"

The Shaikh answered:
"When Allah made the woman she had to be special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

He gave an inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

He gave her a toughness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her badly.

He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And lastly, He gave her a tear. This is hers and only hers exclusively to use whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers.

You see my son, the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes...

I officialy graduate!

2009-10-22T19:48:00.001-07:00

October is nearing its end and a lot has passed since my last update regarding my allergic reaction first few days of October..

The excitement of heading to KL for my graduation ceremony and meeting up with friends and significant other has passed and I'm forced to accept that fact that it will be a while before i meet them again...

My graduation ceremony was a blast! Mainly because my whole family, siblings and grandparents included was allowed to enter the hall coz we got extra tickets (Special thanks to Shaz and Zaleha) and made the event a memorable point in my life... I was told that my 10 year old sister Zahrah was screaming excitedly when she saw me on stage and everyone including my grandparents were cheering as loud as they can... At that moment in time, my only thoughts were "I hope I made all these people proud"...

And then my beloved friends made my graduation ceremony very enjoyable, from the getting ready to the gift exchange to the extreme vanity throughout the day and the days after that.. We took LOTS of photos.. and when i say LOTS i mean more than 500 photos!!! Hahaha.. Hey it is a once in a lifetime occasion and i wanted to take as many photos as i can.. My 4 years in IIUM would not have been enjoyable or memorable or even bearable if not for these friends that God has blessed me with..

With regards to my significant other, I can say that i can see some light being shed on our relationship with regards to the "parents" issue.. I pray to God that He clears the path for us and even if there might be some obstacles in the way He gives us the strength and guidance to tackle the situation the best way possible.. I hope Allah knows that I am trying my best to love him for the sake of Allah and i want to do things the right way...

So now im back in the land of oil, Brunei and will be continuing my work attachment at the Child Development Centre and prepare for my masters applications that will be open for next year's intake... and my long distance relationship will be on full swing starting from now...

Special congratulations and thanks to:
Shazmin Khaled
Zuraida yahaya
Fathiya Amran
Shazeema Shah

The 4 beautiful ladies who have been there for me in those 4 memorable years...
Our shit, giggles and cuddles will be fresh in my mind always... I love you girls!

Scratch scratch...

2009-10-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

I posted on my fb status early morning on the 1st of October "Oh happy October.. Oh happy October" with follow up comments saying that October will be a very eventful month.. And to my surprise the 1st of October started with a bang.. Or should i say an itch!

Little did i know that the itch on my hand that i woke up to in the early morning of October the first would turn into something serious and oh-so-itchy... The itch that started on my right hand was like a wild fire spreading on a dry forest and by 2pm i was itching and scratching and by 5pm (the time that i finally got home from work) i was scratching like a mad woman... My mother said maybe its just rashes and i should soak myself in a salt bath to kill the germs... And i did.. It made me feel better but after that the itching didnt stop... And now the itching was all over my body... It lt looked like red patches of mosquito bites all over the place... Ya Allah its just so horrible...

So around 8pm my sister put medicated powder all over me and by 9pm, tired from the frustration of "dont scratch" when its horribly itchy got to me and i forced myself to sleep.. Sleep that night was not a peaceful event, i kept waking up every few hours scratching myself and even in my dreams i had dreams that i was scrubbing myself with some special scrub to get rid of the itchiness...

Woke up today still feeling itchy and horribly snappy and moody... Combination of the lack of sleep and the constant itchiness... I continued to put medicated powder and continued to fall in and out of sleep the whole day until i was waken up by my mother at around 6pm... The itching didnt stop and it now spread to my face and my legs... I said i cant stand it anymore and i went to the clinic... At the clinic, the Doctor said its an allergic reaction to something.. Asked me if i had any previous allergies.. I said no... Any allergies to medication? I again said no... Did you know what cause this? Again i said no...

And really, for the past 22 years of my life i have never been allergic to any type of food or medication so i am quite perplexed myself for this sudden outburst of itchy allergic reaction... Doctor said its possibly "guli gata" ... This was exactly what my grandmother and my parents thought it was... What is it exactly? An allergic reaction that itches like crazy...

So i got an injection coz the Doctor said since its all over my body theres no point in putting cream on it and boy was the injection a sting... Maybe bcoz i havnt had an injection since 2 years ago when i was admitted into my clinic at campus... So now im back at home, resting, arms stinging, body itching and blogging about it...

By the looks of it, October is going to be one heck of an eventful month.. I pray hard that this goes away by the time i fly off to KL for my graduation ceremony...

If i were to be a millionaire...

2009-09-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

My 10 year old sister (Zahrah) said the other day...

[Part 1]

Zahrah: Ukhti (it means sister in arabic) if you were to be a millionaire what would you do?

Me: Well there's a lot of things I want to do if i were to be a millionaire... And i listed them down..

Zahrah: Do you know what I want to do if i were to become a millionaire?

Me: No darling, what?

Zahrah: If i were to be a millionaire i want to save all the flora and fauna in the world...

Me: Why do you want to do that?

Zahrah: Because the workers whose suppose to take care of the flora and fauna tak buat kerja dengan betul (theyre not doing their job properly)..

Me: Oh really? Is it because of the pollution?

Zahrah: Erm pollution tu apa? (Whats pollution?)

Me: Adik, you dont know what pollution is and yet you want to save all the flora and fauna in the world?

Zahrah: Yes!

[Part 2]

Two days passed and then my sister said again (more like talking to herself while were in the car)
"If i were to be a millionaire i want to save all the flora and fauna in the world... But.... How eh to save the flora and fauna?

She looked at me... Then I said :Adik since thats your with, why dont you try figure that out and then you tell me what your ideas are...."
With a very contemplative look on her face she said "Hmmm okay..."

Looking back at this conversation i thought to myself, Mashallah my sister is growing up.. A 10 year old can actually think of saving the environment when she does not even know the meaning of pollution and why we need to save it...

If a 10 year old who has limited understanding of pollution and all the evils that's happening to the world can have such aspirations, I feel ashamed that most of us dont think twice about such issues at hand.. Especially given the scenario of "what would you do if you were a millionaire"...

I am yet to find out what she really means by saying "want to save the flora and fauna", what does she understand from it and how she wants to do it... But im very proud of her, very proud that at such an age saving the environment is a concept that she is already thinking about..

For all the...

2009-09-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

For all the pain I caused,

For all the promises I broke,
For all the hearts I broke,
For all the dates I rejected,
For all the trust I breached,
For all the lines I crossed,
For the territories I trespassed,
For all the lies I told,
For all the excuses I gave,
For all the criticism I said,
For all the backbiting I uttered,
For all the birthdays I’ve forgotten,
For all the people I neglected,
For all the failures I caused,
For all the messages I didn’t reply,
For all the calls I didn’t answer,
From the remains of this heart of mine,
I’m sorry…

10 Golden Advice

2009-09-02T18:16:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading a book which I’ve had for years now but I only got “the calling” to read it recently and I am enjoying every single page of it... It’s a book entitled:

"The Ideal Muslimah by Muhammad Ali-Hashimi"

In a nutshell it describes the true Islamic personality of the Muslim women as defined in the Quran and Sunnah... This book is not your typical everyday religious book that “scolds and nags” at you... It does not pretend to be sophisticated and shows that I know more than you... The language used is simple and the messages sent across described in a beautiful manner that can be easily understood...

The book it has many chapters and one that I would love to share is the chapter about the Muslim women and her husband... It is quoted from words of advice given by Umamah bint al-Haarith to her daughter on the eve of her marriage... Here I’ll narrate what is quoted from the book in brief...

She said to her daughter:

Oh daughter women are created for men just as men were created for them. This man you are about to marry, when you are married, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant from you. Take from me then qualities which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and be should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl (specific type of eye liner) is the best kind of beautification to be found and water is the best than the rarest perfume.

The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children shows good management.

The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for is you disclose any of his secrets, you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

Be careful my daughter of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the later will make him unhappy.

Show him as much honour and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

Know my daughter that you will not achieve what you would like until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like or dislike. May Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.

Beautiful isn’t it? In the book the author said that these words of guidance are so beautiful that it should be inscribed in golden ink. Furthermore, in the book, which I wasn’t aware of myself prior to this is that the person who has the most rights over a woman is her husband, and for a man is their mother... This book has given me great insights and I recommend others (male or female) to read this...

To end this particular post, I’ll quote a very beautiful hadith to highlight the importance of a woman in a man’s life...

The Prophet (saw) said in his hadith

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman”

A Bried Update...

2009-08-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry sebab saya sudah tama tidak update, my internet connection at home is down and I can only go online at work.. hehe..

My attachment at The Child Development Centre is going very well, I get to experience how it feels like to potentially become a Psychologist upon getting my masters in any Clinical Psychology program (still applying to places btw)... Although I wish I was being paid (yes this is somewhat a volunteer basis attachment) my colleague and supervisor are really nice people...

After a week passed by my supervisor was really pleased with my work and she told me that I should apply for the job here... I was like WHOA you serious? She said yeah why don’t you just apply because you are qualified and I think you’ll make a really good Psychologist...

And when I expressed my concern that I want to do my masters first, they said I can always take unpaid leave and when I come back there is always a job for me... After much deliberation with my parents and my yours truly it was decided that I should take up the offer and apply for the job... If I get accepted then Alhamdulillah, if not then being an attachment student at this place will add value to my CV regardless... And the experience will give me an added advantage for when I apply for my masters/go for the interview...

Now I’ve got my application for a job letter ready and waiting for my supervisor to come back from a conference in Tokyo...

Oh on a side note: Ramadhan Kareem everyone... After 3 years of being away from my family I was able to celebrate Ramadhan with them, but I sure do miss my friends back in KL...

One day after another...

2009-08-12T05:48:00.000-07:00

Isnin: Saya pergi ke hospital nak apply untuk kerja part time/buat attachment...
Monday: I went to the hospital to apply for a part time job/attachment...

Selasa: Saya dapat panggilan untuk datang temuduga...
Tuesday: I got a call from the hospital saying that they want to meet me for an interview...

Rabu: Saya pergi interview.... Dan dapat kerja di Pusat Pembangunan Kanak-Kanak..
Wednesday: I went for the interview... And i got a job/attachment at the Child Development Centre...

Khamis: Saya start kerja!!! Saya sangat teruja...
Thursday: I start work!!! I am so excited...

Doakan Kejayaan Saya!!
Wish Me Luck!!

Head Sculpting...

2009-08-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with a certain someone (s/he who must not be named) on msn a while ago and we talked about anything and everything.... A simple statement of "I wanna get a pair of shades" from me became one hilarious conversation that make me unable to stop giggling and laughing all by myself in front of the monitor.... This was how it went (with minor editions to protect the anonymity of the s/he who much not be named)...

Nabilah says:
I wanna find a nice looking pair of shades...

The other person says:
bright world optics!
lol
my shades one shade ter-come off lah
so i need to go fix it.

Nabilah says:
Hahaha how come?

The other person says:
hahaha it fell a couple of times
coz i put it over my head
and sometimes i forget its there
so when i bend it slips and falls

Nabilah says:
Hahaha thats ganas...
wait i think i know y ur shades rosak
coz u have such a big head
hahahah *cheap lame joke*

The other person says:
hahahahahahhahaha i DO u know

Nabilah says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
ur actually admitting dat u have a big head

The other person says:
haha i dooo!! u know when i was born
i had an elongated head
so vcoz babyheads are soft
they squashed it in slowly
which is why my head is pretty nice and round
my head was mould yo!!
hahaha

Nabilah says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
I CANT STOP LAUGHING
I CANT STOP LAUGHING

The other person says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nabilah says:
HAHAHAHAHAH
THIS IS SOMETHING BETTER TO BLOG ABOUT
BETTER THAN DORAEMON BEING MALE OR FEMALE
HAHAHAHAHHAHA
(We were talking earlier about whether we should start a conspiracy to investigate whether Doraemon was male or female)

The other person says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nabilah says:
hahahahhaha we'l see about that
wait, do you have a before and after picture?
i wanna see!!!

The other person says:
hahahahahhaha i think so... i'm not so sure...

Nabilah says:
hahahahhaah
go find lah
daym man
my friend had an elongated head and it was moulded to become a certain shape

The other person says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHA

Nabilah says:
wait i have a continuation
my friend had an elongated head and it was moulded to become a certain shape
but still has a BIG HEAD!

The other person says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
i just asked mom
she said it was elongated SIKIT saja
and it naturally terturun
HAHAHAHAHAH OMGGG

Nabilah says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS MOULDED INTO PLACE
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

The other person says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Nabilah says:
IM LAUGHING LIKE NUTS
LAUGHING LIKE NUTS

The other person says:
Shit man! Not i regretted telling you..
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

-----------------

I laughed like nuts till i had stomach cramps...
AND im still laughing after reading this script again...
Gosh havent laughed like this for quite some time...

My i thought my head was elongated and was moulded into place but actually it wasnt friend did a very good deed today... Made my day!

Nak cari kerja... Nak cari kerja...

2009-08-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I woke up early in the morning and went to two important places in Brunei...
RIPAS Hospital and JPMC...

Why?
Nak cari kerja (job hunting) or more like finding myself an attachment...

My maid upon seeing me all dressed up early in the morning in a baju kurung was so shocked (because usually i'l only come down during lunch time)...

So when i went to RIPAS the Administration Dept was very friendly.. They attended to me and entertained my questions about the Psyc dept in RIPAS and the Child Devp Centre... They then told me to full up a form and said that "Usually we do not take in attachment student during Ramadhan but i'l try contact those places u applied for" and the classic "We will contact you soon"..

When i spoke to Yani and told her about the "They will contact me soon"
She replied "Ahh the usual government reply" which signifies a "hmmm maybe u should try find somewhere else just in case"...

And when i told my mum she said i should just try JPMC...

So then i head to JPMC and all they could tell me was "write a letter to us and we'l arrange it"... When I ask to meet the officers in charge coz i needed to know which dept should i apply to or if there is even a dept for psychology...
To my surprise... None of the officers were there and when i said i can wait they told me that i should "write a letter and we'l arrange it"...
And here i thought JMPC was suppose to be better...

So today i was up and about having lunch with a friend and roughly at about 3pm i got a phone call from the hospital saying that the Psychology Dept wants to have an interview with me tomorrow...

And WOW this i must say, is a pleasant surprise..

Maybe Brunei is becoming more efficient? :)

WISH ME LUCK!!!

The Unexpected Horror

2009-08-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

It all started with my lil sister Zahrah "cakap besar" with her Abang Naufal...
And so Naufal being the prankster planned to set her up...
I had to be the accomplice because Naufal wants it to be recorded...

So we then planned for A to happen....
But then B and C happened...

All i can say is....
With siblings like this, who needs enemies?

Why can we no longer see?

2009-07-27T00:33:00.001-07:00

I kept watching this particular advert on Astro.. The ones where they have children of different race talked about what they learnt on tv, wanting to become a pilot, being an architect, english improving, wanting to doscover every mountain on earth... (sounds familiar?)

And at that same time i was reading Cecelia Ahern's book "If you could see me now" and in one chapter of the book it talkes about how being an adult takes away your imagination, takes away your innocent hopes and dreams... Life becomes a chore, a routine, an endless cycle of having to make logical and practical sense all the time and even push us to do things not because we want to but because we have to...

It amazes me how easy we forget the important things in life, this i myself have to admit... We are no longer the eager child who is ready to absord the wonders of life... No longer the child who looks at paper and crayon with such excitement.... No longer the child who knows how to loosen up and have some pure uncontaminated fun...

We all fret about what our parents might want, what others think about us, how we will look to others, what should we do.... But what do we want? What are we confortable with? Who do we want to be surrounded by? What do we really think of ourselves?

All along we think of what "they" might say, what "they" might think... And i often wonder who are "they" anyway?? Have we met any of them? Do they know who we are? Do they know our name? Do they have any concern of what we want?

The answer to those questions.... Probably a big fat NO!
So if its a "no" wht do we still fret about what "they" might think and say?

Its true that our parents might want what is the best for us... But do they really have all the answers? Do they really know what is the best for us? Or could we also say that they are just humans (albeit older and wiser) and sometimes their actions might be for their own selfish reasons?

So what if i am short and darker than most people? So what if i decide to work with abnormal people who might not even realize that i am there to help them istead of being a glorified Doctor?

So what?

What would "they" know anyway?

I want to be the child who looks at the clouds and start making shapes out of them...
I want to be the child who still can dream about falling in love and having a happy ending...
I want to be the child who are amused by the many colours that is present...
But i also want to be the adult who can better appreciate the greatness of Allah's creation...

And if what i do does not go against what He says.. Then i can look, feel and do as i please...

Allah created me with a mind and a heart, and i daym well should be using it very very well...

Fu-ch-sia

2009-07-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

Its rarely known that Nabilah Ulfah is interested in gardening... But I am...

Interested... Yes!

Fascinated... Yes!

Actually planted something... Yes! (Roses and Cactus)

Have i done it anytime soon?... Nope! (hehe)

But i have a new fascination over a plant... Its called Fuchasia... Its gorgeous... Its pweety.. Its just beautiful...

How did i come accross it? Im currently reding Cecilia Ahern's book "If you could see me now" and they mentioned Fuchasia as part of the house decoration... And so i decided to google it and fell in love with it..

Now my aim is to go around florist in Brunei to find Fuchasia plants or seeds and plant them at home.. Problem is...

I dont know if the makcik at the kebun knows "Fuchasia".. I dunno its Malay name...

I also dont know if we can plant them in Brunei..

Hopefully they do....

Im frustrated...

2009-07-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

I am really really frustrated.... Frustrated with the lack of merchandise in Brunei... Two things frustrated me...

# 1

Today while waiting for Zura to come to the Mall, i browsed through the only bookstore there and i was going through their book selection... And although i was surprised at some of their books in stock like Torey Hayden and Jodi Picoult's books... They do not have a single PAULO COELHO books... None... Zilch... Takda.... *sigh*

# 2

This one im even more frustrated about.. I accidentally left my face powder in KL and i thought to myself, no bigghe coz I'l just get another one in Brunei... But to my surprise...

BRUNEI GOT NO ZA PRODUCTS!!!! NO ZA PRODUCTS!!!!

Can you believe it? They dont have it... Now i have to go and search for new face powder... Guys probably dont understand this but once u'v gotten use to a product you would most probably not wanna change it.... Kinda shallow to be fretting over this but its frustrating... Very frustrating... *sigh*

Dah lah Brunei tak ada Starbucks, Nandos, Vishal, Borders, MPH, Tak kan ni pun tak ada?

Oh Brunei... Why do you let me down? Why?

Back at home...

2009-07-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

Its Wednesday and I've been back in Brunei for a few days now... Its been good so far... What i am really grateful for is the privacy of my own room and my toilet... Yesterday i took the time to spring clean my room to make it look like my room.. Twas tiring but worth it alright...

Another thing i am grateful for is home cooked food!!!! I dont have to go out to search for food for lunch or dinner... I can actually fry eggs.. Can cook noodles in a pot instead of a kettle.. Have ice in the fridge.. ahh the simple pleasured of life....

The day before i left i was wanted like a bottle of water in the desert... for lunch time i had a mini gathering with a few of my best friends.. Shazmin, Ahmed and Thia... We went to KLCC, had lunch enjoyed some delicious RM1 ice-cream cone from Mc Donalds.. Then right after that to a farewell with the debate gang...

The debate gang threw me a farewell "par-tea" (coz it was during tea time) at Memori Corner.. It was so nice of them... But what was so touching was that they made a scrapbook for me.. With the "many faces of Nabilah Ulfah" and also some kind words about me and Fareez... All in all it was a heart warming farewell.. They tried to make me cry but i was able to hold it in... Hehe.. But thank god it wasn't a mushy farewell..

Right after that, Dinner with Fareez, Audrey, Redz and Yem at "Halia" for some BBQ buffet... By this time i was already stuffed but I still had to eat... Was a very good dinner though...

*sigh* Now I am missing everyone back in Malaysia...

But what really made me not wanna leave home for a while is that when my sister came back from school yesterday she came running to hug me with such a cheery face...

And when i asked her "why you so excited?"

She replied: "Im happy because youre home!!"

Would't trade that for the world... After all, Zahrah is the only one who seems to be genuinely happy that im back home...

Time flies so fast..

2009-07-16T00:31:00.000-07:00

My days of being an undergraduate in IIUM, Malaysia is coming to an end.. Not only have i graduated but now i must leave Malaysia until further notice.. On Monday i met quite a few people and they asked me when am i going back... I kept answering "next week" when in fact i am leaving THIS Saturday.. Gosh talk about being in denial...

I had a trip to memory lane as i was waking through the campus with Shazmin, thinking how time flies so fast.. We were reminiscing about the days when we first came to IIUM, our taaruf, how we met each other, how we met the other girls, how we got lost in campus.. The days when we were still hyped up and adventurous making our way to Laws canteen for lunch all the way from HS just to have chicken rice... how we had our share of weird and creepy guys.. how we actually skip class just because the elevator was not functioning (our class was at level 4) and had breakfast instead... *sigh* I could go on and on...

And now with most of our friends "gone", some already working, most returning to their home country, some applying for masters, some being house-daughters we are confronted with the fact that time waits for no man (or woman).... live goes on... and we gotta move along...

I have only two days left here, and I was never great with goodbyes... So to those who I did not meet before I go, I shall see you during my convocation in October... And who knows i might just come back for my masters or more... *wink wink*

For my remaining friends in Brunei... I'm coming back... Finally... :)

The "Dunning-Kruger Effect"

2009-07-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

I was having a teh tarik session with some of my friends last night and we were reminded of something he said once upon a time... Its called The "Dunning-Kruger Effect"

The "Dunning-Kruger Effect" is an example of a cognitive bias disorder.

It means that incompetent people often lack the ability to recognize their own incompetence. They suffer from illusory superiority, which means that not only do they reach erroneous conclusions, but they hold fast to them with great self-confidence. Their incompetence robs them to realize it, and so they rate their abilities as above average.

As a person who studied Psychology, I will humbly admit that I was not aware of this effect until this Economics friend of mine told me about it. Recently I have been blessed to deal with a few individuals in my campus for an event that we are organizing. And a chain of events had made me believe that i actually know more than a handful of people who might be suffering from this effect. Before this it was just a suspicion but now i know it is very much certain (although i cannot clinically diagnose it yet).

It was such a epiphany that i began to analyze these individuals who i suspected had this effect (and probably other additional issues + low EQ capability) at about 1am in the morning. And you have no idea how these people's mind works. They honestly believe that they are beyond and above everybody else just because they have some added skills and they win trophies. They lack the ability to grasp the simple concept of respect. Because to them other people should automatically respect them despite the fact that they have not begun to behave in a manner that is worth respecting.

These are the people who takes such joy in dissing others but have no idea that they are exactly like those people that they are dissing if not worst.

These are the people who can easily criticize others without giving a second thought of that they are saying but gets all defensive and emotional when they are criticized. Their cognition is so distorted that any possible criticism is taken as a personal attack just to make them look bad.

These are the same people who demand that they be heard but fail miserably first and foremost listen.

And it breaks my heart, it really breaks my heart to actually know such people, individuals that i have worked with for a few years are capable to have such an arrogant insensitive im-always-right-im-better-than-everyone-else attitude. And I am not someone who just blows my top randomly. I am honestly saddened that these people who are smart and intelligent can have such a distasteful attitude and even worst not realize that they are being (to put it mildly) erratic, irrational, emotional, insensitive, stupid, disrespectful and plain rude.

I honestly and sincerely pray to God that He helps these individuals to realize what they have become before it is too late. I hope that they would not have to suffer the pain that they have gravely caused to others. I personally think that if they encounter someone life themselves, they would not be able to tolerate their own behaviour and attitude.

On a semi lighter note: How many people you know have this effect?

Ali punya pasal...

2009-07-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

20 minutes ago I just visited one of my friend's blog.. His name is Ali or i usually call him Alee.. There was a post in his blog which struck me.. His post about Kawin (marriage).. He said he has come to a stage of life where he doesnt want to go searching for a gilfriend (he is good looking and single btw) but instead he wants to find a wife for himself...

I think that is a very noble realization on his part.. I still know people who are older than him and still fooling around, cheating on heir current partner and seem to have a never ending string of gf/bf... To read that one of my best friend has realized this is giving me goosebumps and i ccant help but to have an internal dialogue saying "Aww my boy's all grown up now!"

This got me thinking of my current situation... I am in a stage of life where i am ending a chapter in my life as an undergraduate and possibly opening a new chapter.. Of one i am still unsure with...

I have about less than 15 days left in Malaysia and i am not sure (apart from my Convocation in October) when i would return here... That means leaving the life and circle of friends that i have built for 4 years and honestly this 4 years of my life was a very memorable chapter in my life, one that i dont think i'd ever forget... I can safely say that apart from a handful of friends i had before coming to Malaysia, i have made another handful of really good friends here.. With them i can truly be myself, they helped me grow as a person, always supporting me and never hesistant to correct me when im wrong...

But there is one person who i am about to leave that has contributed so much to my "being a better person".. He has been my significant other for the past 2 years... With him things just fell into place... We have a very trusting relationship, we share the same values, we have mutual respect for each other, we help each other grow, and we are still pretty much very in love... (Bonus: he is pretty okay with my lesbian tendencies.. hehe..) So now in less than 15 days my battle in Long Distance Relationship (LDR) will begin... and that is ontop of another battle of me convincing my parents to bless the relationship that i have with a great guy who just so happen wasnt born belonging to the Arab race (yeah im supposed to find an arab guy to marry) and we are very serious about taking our relationship into the next and ultimate stage... Marriage...

I have always been a firm believer of being in a relationship only with the person who i think i can see a future with... Having only 2 ex-es says that much i guess.. I would say that at this moment in life I am blessed to have found a person who i can realistically see my self with in the future... But before that path needs to be crossed both me and him have to overcome a battle of LDR which might be the ultimate test of the strength of our relationship before we cross the other brigde that both of us are ready to make... But even IF things do not fall into place, I would still be happy knowing that God gave me the opportunity to be in the company of someone really great like him, to love and be loved by him...

On a lighter note: Bah Ali mau Bil carikan someone marriage material for you?! *wink wink*

Baby It's All Good

2009-06-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

I found this poem long long time ago and i thought its pretty cool...

"A modern hijab poem"

Author unknown

What do you see when you look at me
Do you see someone limited, or someone free

All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair

Others think I am controlled and uneducated

They think that I am limited and un-liberated

They are so thankful that they are not me

Because they would like to remain 'free'

Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used

Describing women who are cheated on and abused

They think that I do not have opinions or voice

They think that being hooded isn't my choice

They think that the hood makes me look caged

That my husband or dad are totally outraged

All they can do is look at me in fear

And in my eye there is a tear

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of

But because people are ignoring the One up above

On the day of judgment they will be the fools

Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules

Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie

But at least I am filled with more inner beauty

See I have declined from being a guy's toy

Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind

And aren't busy looking at my behind

Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause

The role that we play definitely deserves applause

I will be recognized because I am smart and bright

And because some people are inspired by my sight

The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility

In the back of their mind they wish they were me

We have the strength to do what we think is right

Even if it means putting up a life long fight

You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt

We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt

So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated

We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated

We are the ones that are free and pure

We're free of STD's that have no cure

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood

Just sum it up by saying

'Baby its all good'

My second post since forever... (What next?)

2009-06-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

I just found out that two of my friends crated a blob and i didn't even know about it... Worst is that they didn't invite me to be in the blog with them.. It would so be better if it was a-n-z blog not a-and-z...

*hmmph-and-hint-hint*

Hahahaha...

Anyway... I have decided to try blogging again because soon i will be absolutely jobless... JOBLESS... and i would need something to fill my time... Don't know how effective it would be to rely on a blog i hardly update or hardly known but who cares... So now i basically have about 3 weeks before i leave KL.. And what a bummer that would be, no more going to KLCC, no more hanging out with the girls, no more banana leaf from Visyal, no more going to OU or Curve or Mid Valley, no more 12am curfew (my curfew at home is 10pm), no more getting hooked up on series on the laptop, no more dating, no more buying digi credit, no more using Ringgit Malaysia, no more A LOT OF THINGS!!!

What am i going to do?!?!?! How am i going to survive?!?!?! *a moment of drama*

And what makes it worst is I am in a situation where i am "as free as a bird" but I'm not flying to any direction... What is in store for me since I've graduated? Where am i going to be accepted for masters? Where do i get a scholarship if i get accepted? Where would i be in the nest 6 months? Jobless at home? Already doing my masters? Have to consider the prospect of getting a job?

Gosh... Being a graduate is tough.. We spent years waiting for the day we graduate... But then what next?! While i try to figure things out i will try make use of this long forgotten blog and try occupy myself with it when i become utterly jobless...

I should give this blog a chance to shine with my definitely aimless ramblings...

Once again...

2008-08-11T00:57:00.001-07:00

Once again I find myself sucked into this whole blogging arena... The reason why i stopped blogging a while ago is because i hardly find any time to blog and partly also because I don't have Internet connection all the time... Either i surf the net in campus or go to the cyber cafe at my hostel...

But despite not being an active blogger there are times when i feel the need to write and share things i just learn, things that are happening to me and things i find interesting... When i have the urge to write and start blogging again another thought cross my mind:

Blogging = Vanity

Why.. Lets look at the nature of blogging..

Why people blog? Nabilah's Top 3 reasons...

Update people about the happenings of their life - what i did today, what i did yesterday, what i want for my birthday... The list goes on...

Expression of opinions - personal thoughts, political views, religious views, global issues... Again the list goes on..

Sharing of information

Showing off skills - literary skills, arguing skills, writing skills, photography skills.. List can go on and on..

And with this 3 central points it all revolves around one element... ME or the individual themselves... Its all about telling others about YOUR life, YOUR point of view, what YOU think of a certain issue, what YOU want, what YOU'RE good at, etc etc etc... So that's why i say Blogging = Vanity.. And sometimes to an extent that its where you show off your skills to those willing to view it or read about it...

However, this mode of vanity have different levels... Some bloggers are EXTREMELY vain others are moderately vain and others genuinely wants to share their opinions...

Which category do i belong to? Its too early to find out..